The subject of reality has been constantly on my mind as I’ve experienced some huge changes in my life recently. In my previous post I was questioning – and somewhat rebelling – against the frequent claim by others that marriage would kick me swiftly into the ‘real world’, but I seem to have come face-to-face with their descriptions via other means; specifically within the workplace.
The reality I see everywhere is thoroughly depressing on many days at work. I’ve often wondered what kind of mind-set you have to have in order to dedicate your life to any field of work. I find that nearly everyone in the workplace is engrossed in their job, whether or not they enjoy it, engrossed in the way they don’t drift off into other thoughts, other realities, other realms, in thoughts of other passions. Or if they do it doesn’t affect their work. And it’s depressing how engulfed they are in these small worlds. I’ve noticed while learning how to drive how hard I have to try to keep constantly alert to everything, to not…drift away. And all around me I see people so thoroughly alert in their workplace that they remember every small detail of every conversation in case they need to defend themselves against any future accusations from a colleague.
What’s it like to be so on guard all the time, to be in such depressing circumstances, to create such depressing circumstances?
I’ve come across individuals whose joy comes in the form of paydays, late night shopping and going out for a drink. They accept their condition, they accept their conditioning. Life revolves around the workplace well and thoroughly, because the opposite to this sober life is a life they actually can’t remember because it’s spent being drunk or unconscious (I’m sorry if I’m sounding simplistic o stereotypical here, but honestly don’t know how else to describe it). This is not a viable route of escape. The choice to drown your sorrows away, to go crazy in the odd hours, to let loose, is just not good enough. It makes me think of a quote from Anais Nin’s diary in which she witnessed the state of modern Americans;
‘Some Americans have lost the faculty for illusion, they are so pragmatically sober, that may be why they have to drink so much. They have not the power of levitation or escape of the poet or the artist who can make another world within this world.’
Anais is speaking from the perspective of a French writer witnessing the practical and depressing reality of American culture. It’s not so different here in the UK. In fact, I think many places share this kind of culture. And what shocks me the most is that everyone fits into it. While people may complain about their jobs and exclaim how much they can’t wait to get home or for the weekend to come, they still never question their means to feeling pleasure, their idea of living, the reality of their thoughts and behaviour in relation to other human-beings, or the mechanical pattern their day-to-day existence has come to. What does it feel like to be your job? To only think your job? To only live your job? What do these women do outside of their job?
I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but it’s the women in these places that shock me the most. Perhaps it’s my understanding of a woman (see “Do women have a soul?”: Religious Revival & the Feminine) that puts me at unease with this environment. For example, I’ve seen women create so much politics that they’ve made the workplace a hell for each other. I’ve seen women who do not possess the characteristics of mercy I would associate with the women I’ve seen in my life because the women in my life are mothers, aunties, sisters, daughters; women with human relations, not professional relations where caring for someone’s problems fits within a specific time-frame in which they’re getting paid and outside of it they want nothing to do with anyone or anything.
I don’t know. I don’t have any really thought-provoking comments to make here. I guess I’m quite shocked that people live like this. I think it’s shocking in itself that your work should take up more hours than the time you spend doing anything else, but perhaps I sound very naïve in that. If anything it’s a testament to the fact that I’ve never been able to dedicate myself to anything in this way and never will. There’s too much at stake to lose to the dull and mechanical on-goings of such a culture in which life revolves around pay-checks, opening and closing times, or what he said she said. We do what we need to do to get by, but that doesn’t mean that our means of sustenance should be able to take our life away. Like Anais I hope to always find escapes in places rich with meaning and at the same time I pray that I learn how to live out that meaning in everything I do.
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