O’ Lord I’ve been waiting, but also getting impatient and upset so that I’ve been desperate with the opportunities I jumped to get, leaving myself open, but feeling grateful in the process as well as unbelieving with an incredible rush of good feeling, the kind you have to pay for afterwards as a law of nature when people can only hold so much happiness inside them that it’s a crime to have more, and if you do then you should pay for it the next day or close after by being absolutely miserable to equalise those things – whatever decides the smile on your face. Maybe it’s that soul they still get confused by.
But yeah, I’m trying not to repeat myself here, but you know when you really want something and don’t get it then realise there’s obviously some reason why it keeps slipping away because it can’t be that happiness is still a pursuit, there’s certain things all human beings should know as a form of worship; like love, or maybe die as lonely and find a soul you might have communicated with or held its hand before you even came kicking and screaming and rolled out onto the earth, like a comrade in an army you loved but lost on the battlefield when the war was being waged and the adrenaline made you forget which side you’re meant to be fighting for.
It’s not right for me to complain to You, but people say I shouldn’t share woes to anyone but the One who made them, but didn’t really; they’re actually goodness, all bunched up goodness – sorry I repeated myself there – that a person can’t handle in such a quantity, but they’re so revealing of the crookedness of the path an individual decided was straight for themselves when they thought this is the right way to go to form friends, be good and find serenity with all the nice things that make people smile like they know someone loves them, and what I hate about those souls is they never look alone.
You’re not meant to walk around like that, hurting people to continue the cycle. It’s disgraceful to have no essence of want for all the things you’re actually missing because you have every single thing you need for your body and mind to thrive and those things or those souls that emit feelings need controlling if you want to stop making people feel jealous with the contentment on your face because all we ever really want is to find the purpose of life but people like me have already rejected the sight of the things that you obviously look so happy with and we never got but we’re left alone with only the shadows we can see of the outside on the walls of our cave, to find the real reason why people smile when they really don’t know what on earth is happening to make their body bow, their mind falter, and their soul clutch to the life in the soil to find the way we were created, so we can find the hand that created us, so we can be with it.